QUICK! Name your top 5 role models for
relationships!
What’s that? You couldn’t name any?
Or they weren’t role models at all – they
were people that screwed up their love
lives all the time, like Liz Lemon?
Or you just yelled out random names
and hoped I wouldn’t notice?
Well, I didn’t notice. Because you’re
yelling in whatever room you’re reading
this article in, and I can’t hear you
through my computer. Because that’s not
how the internet works.
HOWEVER.
My point still stands. There are no really
good role models today to follow for
advice on relationships. Most of the time,
people are flying blind, with disastrous
results. I’ve seen these 5 mistakes made in
relationships more than any others. I’ve
seen them bring strong relationships
crumbling to the ground.
And I don’t want that for you.
So here are my top 5 super-common
mistakes that destroy relationships:
1. Giving Up on Trying
to Repair Broken Trust
This is a big one. There are a ton of
people out there who believe that once
someone’s trust has been betrayed, that’s
it, the relationship is over.
And I don’t blame people for that belief.
A lot of the time, someone who lied is
going to lie again, and reinforce the idea
that trust can’t be repaired.
However, I can GUARANTEE that you
personally know a couple that lost the
trust between them and rebuilt it – even
if you never found out about it. Want to
know why?
Because they realized that as long as
both people put in the hard work (and
yes, it is hard work) of rebuilding trust
in a relationship, they can make the
relationship stronger than it ever was.
They can make the relationship so strong
that no one would ever know someone’s
trust was betrayed.
So if you think there’s any chance at
salvaging a relationship and repairing
trust – it’s worth a shot. No relationship
is doomed just because of one breach.
2. Keeping A Secret
On the other side of the trust coin comes
willfully concealing from your partner.
Trust me (ha) when I say this: repairing
the trust in a relationship is HARD work.
It’s so hard that you should go to great
lengths to avoid having to do it.
What does that mean? Well, for starters,
and obviously, it means not lying to each
other.
But it also means not keeping secrets
from each other.
Too often, I’ve heard the justification
that “Well, I didn’t tell him, but I didn’t
lie either…â€
That’s bullcrap.
Keeping a secret from the person you’re
in a relationship with is tantamount to
lying. Sooner or later, the truth will out,
and they’ll feel just as betrayed as they
would if you had lied about it.
So don’t keep secrets, and your
relationship will stay strong.
3. Putting The Burden
of Your Happiness onto
Your Partner
I found the perfect man for me! I found
the one! I’ll be happy forever now!
All I have to do is bask in the glory of
being with him and leave my happiness
for the rest of my life up to him!
Bad. Wrong. Wrongbad. I’m inventing a
word, it’s called wrongbad, and you’re
the first to read it. Congratulations.
Anyway, I see this mistake often, and it
KILLS relationships.
Believe me when I say this: the only
person responsible for your happiness is
YOU. You, and no one else.
Not even if he’s the one, the most perfect
man in existence, the only man you
could ever love. Even THEN, you’re the
only one who’s in charge of your
happiness.
When you put someone else in charge of
your happiness, it destroys your ability
to feel happy without them, and it also
destroys your relationship, as he
crumbles under the weight of trying to
keep you happy.
Don’t make this mistake. Take charge of
your own happiness in your relationship
and just enjoy spending time with each
other. That’s how you keep a
relationship strong.
Take this quiz and find out Is He Selfish ?
4. Not Setting Aside
Time For The
Relationship
“Well, we tried to hang out Tuesday
night, but he got caught up at work and
then I had to get on the phone with my
best friend for an hour and then we
could not get in touch with each other.
Same thing happened last Friday. We’re
going to try to hang out next week.â€
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD. WRONGBAD.
The saying “absence makes the heart
grow fonder†is a true one, but only in
moderation, and only if you’ve been
spending TOO much time with each
other.
If you’re struggling to find time to
spend with each other, it’s going to take
its toll on your relationship. What was
once a close, intimate relationship can
turn distant and chilly very quickly if
you don’t have enough quality time
together.
And yes, I know, the demands of a
modern life are very stressful. Kids,
work, stress, everything can leak into
your schedule until it feels like there’s no
time left.
Make time. Carve out whatever you need
at LEAST once a week with your partner,
or your relationship will wither on the
vine.
5. Thinking That
Everything Should Be
Easy
I know, I know. It’s not fair. When you
find the right person, the one, the person
you love more than anything and are
meant to be with always, you should be
able to just relax! Let go! Enjoy the time
you have with them and not have to
worry about anything!
But life doesn’t work like that.
Relationships take work. It’s not a
popular sentiment, but it’s a true one. If
you’re not putting in the work to keeping
your relationship fresh and vital, then
it’s going to start to crumble all around
you.
And there’s no more insidious obstacle
in the way than believing that
relationships should just be easy.
So don’t be tricked and fooled into
thinking that everything should be easy
just because you found the man you love.
Understand and accept that your
relationship is still going to take work
and act accordingly. And then watch as
your relationship gets stronger and
stronger everyday.
Now that you know the most common
mistakes that destroy relationships, do
you know how to keep him for good?
Before you decide what you’re going to
do next, you need to know about the
pivotal moment in any relationship that
determines if you get to live happily ever
after or he leaves you so pay attention to
this next step because it’s vitally
important: At some point he starts to
lose interest. He doesn’t call you back or
he becomes emotionally closed off. He
seems like he’s losing interest or pulling
away – do you know what to do? If not
you’re putting your relationship and the
future of your love life in great danger,
read this now or risk losing him forever:
If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
The second problem will undermine
whatever relationship you have if it’s
allowed to fester and destroy your
relationship from the inside, so read this
right now or risk your relationship
because at some point he will ask himself
is this the woman I should commit to for
the long term? The answer to that will
determine the fate of your relationship:
Do you know how men determine if a
woman is girlfriend material (the type of
woman he commits himself to) or if he
see’s you as just a fling? If not you need
to read this next: The #1 Thing Men Desire
In A Women.
In summary…
The Biggest Mistakes
That Destroy
Relationships
. Giving up on trying to repair broken
trust
. Keeping a secret
. Putting the burden of your happiness
onto your partner
. Not setting aside time for the
relationship
. Thinking that everything should be easy
