The rate at which relationships break
up these days is alarming and
gradually becoming a thing of great
concern both to counselors and the
society at large. For the purpose of
this article, please permit me to focus
on marriage and not just any form of
love relationship, reason being that
marriage is more legal and to an
extent, according to marriage vows,
expected to last for ever. Have you
ever observed that marriage vow has
no provision for divorce? And
interestingly, it seems to be the same
vow all over the world. Then, where
does divorce come from? Why should
couples even consider it as an
option? Does it solve any problems?
Are people ‘truly happy’ after a
divorce or separation? Is it possible
to have a good relationship with your
ex and his/her siblings? How do you
cope with the hurt and
overwhelming feeling of forgiveness?
Bola has this to say: “Segun and I
appeared to the crowd that graced
our wedding to be a perfect match.
As the pastor introduced us, telling
them who and what we were, heads
nodded and faces beamed in
admiration of a careful combination,
while our parents walked proud,
greeting friends and relations who
turned out in support. “As the
reception ceremony was drawing to
a close, people started leaving for
diverse reasons and soon, we
discovered we had actually come to
the end of the wedding party and it
was good to know that the end of
reception marked the beginning of
marriage. “Going on honeymoon was
another interesting thing I looked
forward to and hopes were not
dashed. I had no idea whatsoever of
the kind of challenges tied to
marriage as life commenced in our
new home. I loved the opportunity to
showcase the few dishes I learnt to
make just before wedding and Segun
had no idea I was using him to test
my catering prowess. “Sometimes it
was the opposite of what I expected
(a far cry from good), but my new
husband would still manage to be
appreciative of the fact that he had
someone he could call a wife.
“Vacation was finally over and we
both went back to work. Coming from
work to prepare food was the first
hurdle I had to cross, but because I
am a smart babe, I patronised
eateries very often for family
support, but before long, Segun got
tired of my alternative and desired a
change to home-made food. This was
a clear ‘yellow light’ for my young
marriage. “One thing led to another
and we watched our differences
unfold by the day. The love we
thought existed between us was
almost like a mirage as we treated
and related with each other as cat
and dog. Things just fell apart and
the centre could no longer hold. The
next alternative was to bring in
parents which I consider the most
immature decision we ever took.
“You know, parents have sentiments
toward their children and mothers,
in particular, would always want to
protect the ‘baby’ they nursed. One
thing we knew for sure was that we
confessed our love for each other so
often (before marriage) that it
became a part of us, but here we
were, unable to look each other in
the eye and declare “I love you,
dear.†This shows you how really bad
things turned, but as God would have
it, we found help in counseling and
love returned.†With Bola’s
experience, I will enumerate a few
things which can cause problems in
relationships. •Negligence: Whether
they are voiced or assumed, in every
relationship, there are expectations
of what each partner is supposed to
do for mutual existence. The man
should deliver his responsibility well,
while the woman should not be
found wanting in any sense of the
word. Once you don’t do what you
are supposed to, you are calling for
trouble. •Analysis: Couples who argue
so much and want everything to
follow a particular pattern, easily
have problems. Life is easy, try and
overlook some things for peace to
reign. Marriage is not the right place
for you to prove how intelligent you
are. •Wrong choice of words: If you
can watch and control your tongue, a
whole deal of your problems would
be gone. Dishing sarcastic comments
is not healthy for the relationship
and studies have shown that even
after apologies, the wounds refuse to
heal completely. •Infidelity: Please
try as much as practicable not to give
your spouse any cause to doubt your
love for him/her. Just the way you
promised at the beginning of the
marriage, keep to one partner and
derive pleasure in each other. •Care:
Care makes it easy for you to love,
give, respect, support, encourage and
do a lot more than an ordinary
relationship could offer. This is the
conclusion of the whole matter, men
should fear and worship GOD.
